Tag: teenagers

Embracing the Grown Up Child – How to Survive a Brand New Teenager

As I sit here writing this article about the pains of dealing with a growing child, I can just hear my son say, “uh, mom, I’m NOT a child”. Well, sorry to spoil it for you kid, but you are a child and you’ll forever be my child no matter how old you are.

Kids are notorious for telling you what to do. What you did wrong. What you didn’t do. All these facets come into play once you become a parent. But when your child grows steadily into the teenage years, all those declarations of self importance become even more apparent – that you have now entered the emotional, turbulence teenage voyage into adulthood. I say this with a lot of love and endearment, that there’s no one who can test your patience more than your own child. You don’t have to be a Saint to embrace the grown up child, but you should be warned to start diligently placing your patience and tolerance into a box for the times you have to put them to good use on your teenager.

Before I became a mom I was a loving and patient aunt to my nieces and nephews. I love them dearly but I could also easily give them back to their parents. I’d like to think though that watching my nieces and nephews grow up actually helped me as a mom. But I am probably kidding myself or wish it was so. When you’re a parent to your own children every facet of patience and tolerance as an aunt or uncle flew out the window.

As my son entered his early teenage years, I watched and listened to how he interacted with his friends and classmates. Was he kind? Does he get angry and impatient with his friends as I might with him at times? Is he a great friend and a great student? No matter how much I love him and discipline him, I always worry that my own impatience will wear on him. It’s not easy being a parent but I would assume it’s even harder being a child. And I oftentimes reflect to my own teenage years and how I had acted and treated my own parents.

I admit I wasn’t the most tolerable teenager. Some might say I was rebellious but those people didn’t understand I was just being independent. My parents raised my siblings and I to be independent thinkers and I strive to do that with my own child. And as most parents will come to realize – your child will most likely treat you the same way you treated your parents. Be it easy going and relaxed or a demon on Earth, the old adage of you becoming your parents reflect similarly to your own kids. Eventually they’ll become just like you, and that could either be a blessing or a curse.

But as parents, I think we can all pretty much agree that patience and fortitude are what keeps us from going crazy. We can love our kids to death one minute and the next their voices grate our ears like a 20,000 ton freight train. We can discipline them into perfect little A+ students or we can let them run free like the wayward wind. In the end, they will either appreciate what you did or tolerate your parenting skills until they leave the nest.

My son is currently a young teenager but he acts like a grumpy old man sometimes. And when my friends and siblings share stories, it’s incredibly funny how we have such similar instances. Are they ALL related to each other since their capricious moods are all alike? How did my sweet, kind, carefree toddler grow into an impatient, unpleasant, and grumpy teen? I can only cherish the times when he reverts back to the sweet, kind, and innocent child and hold onto those memories…

So I’ve developed some tolerance skills that I want to share with you. Sometimes I really pray they work. But eventually I hope my child has been listening to me all these years and take my lessons to him into adulthood. And if he has his own children some day, I hope he remembers his own grumpy teenage years.

How to survive a brand new teenager:

  • Try to resist yelling at them. If that doesn’t work, yell at them anyway and hope for the best.

  • Try to give them some independence. You’ll be glad that once they can drive they’ll leave you alone for a couple of hours.

  • Once they do have their license and can drive, make them pick up all the last minute stuff that you inadvertently “forgot”.

  • Make them do ten loads of laundry a day that you’ve been doing since they were born. It’ll teach them great hands, arms, and legs coordination.

  • Don’t let them make their own mistakes. Trust me – you’ll be the one fixing them. Instead, you make mistakes and let them fix yours.

  • Find a great therapist. Either you, your spouse, or your kids will eventually need them.

  • Let them be who they are but be watchful. The quickest path to a yelling match is to not allow them self worth.

  • It’s okay to punish them. Tell them you’re doing it “because you love them”.

  • Learn to be on your phone for hours on end just like them. You might even enjoy this new hobby!

  • Ask them a question, then ignore them. This reverse psychology method will surely work, right?

In the end, we all want what’s best for our kids. But it takes a lot of growing pains for the parents and children while your kids are still developing and learning. So be sure to take some time for yourself. Read a book. Write a story. Languish at the pool. Because tomorrow the (arguing, ignoring, late nights, and insert your own action) will once again commence.

 

Disclaimer: The product(s)were sent to the author for review by the manufacturer/PR. All reviews on “Happymomblogger” remain unbiased and unpaid and are the sole decision of the author. The opinions of these product(s) were not influenced in any way, shape, or form. As always, please read the ingredients carefully when trying new products.

Please read the labels and ingredients carefully and follow all manufacturer’s instructions (if any). The products selected for the giveaway were generously donated by the companies/PR to help readers learn more about their products. The winner’s choice in using/consuming these products are entirely up to the winner and will not hold the author and her family liable nor the companies/PR liable. These products are made with non-toxic ingredients but always be safe with what you use and consume.

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Little Life Lessons – The Purpose of Life

When you’re a young child, life seems to be a constant bliss of playtime, food, and sleep. Before the age of five, the meaning of life wasn’t even a notion on your plate. As you grow older, so does your brain and your life experiences, and you start to pick up nuances and virtues along the way. But as we get into adulthood, sometimes the virtues we learned as a child get lost or displaced. We sometimes lose track of what it means to be a human being and more so, a decent human being.

What makes a person truly virtuous? You might see heroic or selfless acts from people all over the world. Is it an innate obligation to do right and to help others? We’ve seen people risk their lives to save another. We’ve seen someone pay for another person’s groceries. And we’ve seen people stand up to bullies. Perhaps they learned at a young age to just “do the right thing”, or they learned through hard lessons in life. But I ask this – what exactly is the right thing to do? And when is the right time to talk to our kids about virtue, honesty, and purpose?

When you’re school-aged, the importance of learning fundamental math and language arts is already part of the school curriculum. But how do you learn about your life purpose? And who do you learn it from? Our teachers can only teach what is offered in school. But sometimes you get lucky and you meet a teacher who teaches you how to succeed in life. I was fortunate to have met a few teachers who taught about humanity and compassion, and their teachings were amplified through their own kind actions.

As I nurture and teach my own child as he grows up, I hope and pray that he’ll have the necessary tools to navigate through adulthood. I wish he will grow up to be a person with values and virtues. With kindness and compassion. But I can only provide him with what I learned while living at home and through my own personal experiences.

At every opportunity possible, I try to talk to my son about his “life purpose”. And then I wonder if I start sounding like I’m forcing him to be someone he’s not, or doesn’t want to grow up to be. Oftentimes as parents, we reflect what we wish we were onto our children. Us parents might not have done all the things we wish we had done as children. Wished we had talked a certain way. Acted a certain way. Or became a different person. But I know that while he’s going through his own growing pains, I do see specks of kindness and purpose in him. He realizes what is important right now and that’s okay for me.

So when is a good time to teach children about “life’s purposes”? Experts might tell you that children don’t really grasp the meaning of life until they’re teenagers. But as soon as your child is old enough to start learning the difference between right and wrong, would be the best time to start. 

Below I’ve listed some talking points for your children depending on age. Of course everyone is different, and a child’s age doesn’t necessarily correlate with maturity and mentality. Please note that some of these questions are what I’ve come across throughout my years working with children.

Primary school age (grades 1-3):

  • Do you like school? Why/Why not?

  • Do you like your friends? Why/Why not?

  • What do you like best about school?

  • What do you like least about school?

  • What do you want to learn from your teachers?

  • What do you want your teachers to teach you?

  • Do you like animals? If so, what kind of animal?

  • What do you want to be when you grow up? Why do you want to be that?

Primary school age (grades 4-5):

  • Do you like school? Why/Why not?

  • What would you do if you meet a bully?

  • What would you do if you meet a stranger?

  • What do you want to learn from your teachers?

  • What do you want your teachers to teach you?

  • Why do you think homework is important?

  • Why do you think you should manage your hygiene?

  • What do you want to be when you grow up? Why do you want to be that?

Secondary school age (grades 6-8):

  • Do you like school? Why/Why not?

  • What would you do if you meet a bully?

  • What would you do if you find a $20 bill on the ground?

  • What would you do if you find a $5 bill on the ground?

  • Do you think you should say thank you even when you don’t need to?

  • Do you think you should help pay for your classmate’s lunch? 

  • Do you like animals? Why/Why not?

  • Do you care about your planet/environment? Why/Why not?

  • How do you think you can improve situations around you?

  • What would you do if someone fell on the floor?

  • What would you do if someone asks to copy your homework?

High school age (grades 9-12):

  • Do you like school? Why/Why not?

  • What’s most important in your life right now?

  • Why do you care about things?

  • What are your goals in high school?

  • Why are these goals important to you?

  • What would you do if your friend stops being your friend?

  • What do you think it means to be a good person?

  • What can you do to make a positive impact on the world?

  • What do you do if someone asks you to do something that isn’t right?

  • What do you hope to accomplish in 5 years? In 10 years? In 20 years?

  • How will you accomplish these goals?

As we’re approaching the holiday season, staying home and staying safe, this would be a great time to talk to your kids about these important topics. If you start asking these questions at a young age and then continue through high school, you might notice a dramatic change or very little change. But the wonderful thing about that is to see just exactly how your children changes as they get older. Oftentimes we’re afraid to ask our children the big questions. Heck, sometimes we’re even afraid to ask ourselves those same questions. But the sooner you get your children to open up about their own views of the world, the easier it is to talk to them about life’s little lessons and their own purpose in life.

For an in-depth talk with your teens, check out The Greater Good initiative: https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/talk_with_teens_about_purpose

 

Disclaimer: The product(s)were sent to the author for review by the manufacturer/PR. All reviews on “Happymomblogger” remain unbiased and unpaid and are the sole decision of the author. The opinions of these product(s) were not influenced in any way, shape, or form. As always, please read the ingredients carefully when trying new products.

Please read the labels and ingredients carefully and follow all manufacturer’s instructions (if any). The products selected for the giveaway were generously donated by the companies/PR to help readers learn more about their products. The winner’s choice in using/consuming these products are entirely up to the winner and will not hold the author and her family liable nor the companies/PR liable. These products are made with non-toxic ingredients but always be safe with what you use and consume.

http://www.topmommyblogs.com/blogs/in.php?id=storm

 

 

 

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